Conquer Your Fear
When I coach leaders, I often find one critical component that is always holding them back…FEAR.
Fear is that voice in your head that tells you it can’t be done. It says that others will laugh at you. It creeps in, just at the right moment, and gives you the excuse to stop.
To Conquer Is To Control
You can’t get rid of fear. It is hardwired into you and just so happens to be the reason most will never achieve their dreams and aspirations. If you can’t remove it, you must learn how to control it.
The root cause of fear is YOU!
We are preoccupied with us and that limits your potential and your growth. We look back on our life and we bring those failures and that pain to the present and that enables the voice of fear to take over.
Fear takes your past and thrusts it in the future.
“I could never do that”…I could never be that”…”Why waste my time”…
We compare ourselves to others and what the world thinks success is. Whether it’s about material items, certificates, money, or status…WE can never be good enough so why try!
If you want to control fear and achieve the purpose God has on your life, it’s time to think and act differently.
Stop placing your success and security in things you don’t control.
Legendary NFL Coach Bill Walsh had a unique philosophy on success. In his book, The Score Takes Care of Itself, he proposes the idea that success is not about chasing outcomes (like winning games) but about focusing on the process and standards of performance. If you place your success in that next promotion or assignment, you will surely spend much of your career in disappointment. Instead, focus on what you can control and the daily grind towards those achievements.
Reject your ego.
Ego, is by far, the greatest enemy that you have. The ego is obsessed with outcome and no amount of achievement will be good enough. Basketball Coach Dean Smith said that “it’s absolute necessity for a leader to be able to handle losing.” The ego is unable to handle loss because the outcome is all that matters.
Achievement or success is not about what others believe but in our self-centeredness, it’s all that matters. Coach Walsh refused to let his players focus on the outcome because he said they rarely controlled it. In fact, Walsh explained, that at best, players controlled 80% of the game. The other 20% was a bad call or a lucky/bad break that his team could not control.
You must train your mind to focus on the process and not the end result and thus train your mind to redefine success.
Become self-aware.
Self-centeredness is why you constantly compare yourself to others and where fear stunts your progress. The opposite is becoming self-aware. When you are self-aware, you understand that your effort and commitment to the daily grind is part of a purpose that few can ever reach. Rather than your thoughts being limited through fear and self-loathing, the self-aware leader understands that they aren’t limited to what others think but rather the potential that can only be achieved by thinking and acting differently. To be self-aware is to see the possibility…There is no failure but only feedback.
The Battle
There is a constant battle for your mind and your mind is pre-set to cast doubt, frustration, and anxiety within everything you do. Throw in a few decades of policing combined with political abuse and a gift called PTSD and your mind can literally destroy any future wants, desires or accomplishments.
Only you can change this.
Each day you plant your feet on the ground, you have a choice.
Will you follow the masses into a self-centered, egotistical approach to life?
Will you stop before you start because what’s the point?
Will you avoid that new career or idea because of some idea in your head (I’m too old, not smart enough, don’t have enough time, etc.)?
Do you stop moving forward because of what someone said about you in the past?
I’ve personally heard those quotes above and much more. You could call me sort of an expert at how the mind will talk you out of your dreams and desires. For three years I wanted to write a book on courageous leadership. I had been one the road teaching the seminar and I felt that a book could get the message in front of more leaders.
The problem was that my thoughts constantly talked me out of it. After three years and no words written, I swallowed my pride and called a friend. I told him what I wanted to do and that I needed help. I asked him to give me a writing schedule and hold me accountable. I get a lot of nice comments from The Courageous Police Leader but it would have never happened if I didn’t drop my ego, become self-aware of what I needed, and stopped thinking that the goal was a book that anyone wanted or would read (out of my control). The goal was writing the book…and the process behind it.
This is never easy. Your mind will never stop fighting you.
Despite appearing in almost 100 movies, over 40 years, Tom Hanks continues to battle self-doubt and the thought that he will be seen as a failure. He admits that he often thinks that he isn’t talented and he doesn’t deserve the success that he has had.
How could this be?
Everyone, at some level battles the mind. While Hanks has no doubt continued to fight the battle (and win), the more important question is how many others like Hanks could have existed? How many are out there right now, not fulfilling God’s purpose on their life because they refused to battle? Everyone reading this knows someone that falls into this category.
Purpose Beats Achievement
You must shift your thoughts to see everything differently. Rather than the impossible, you have a gift that only you can open and explore. Only you can use the unique talents and abilities that God gave you for a purpose that goes far beyond what your mind can consider.
Deion Sanders tells a story of winning the 1996 Super Bowl. What should have been the best day of his life turned into a nightmare. After the team celebration was over, he wept, alone in the shower. A year later, he tried to kill himself when he drove his car off a cliff.
Despite being at the pinnacle of achievement, Sanders was miserable. Despite world success, fame and millions in the bank, Sanders was not living his purpose. He was driven by an ego to succeed and a world that lied to him on what that success was.
It wasn't until Sanders discovered a purpose larger than him, that he found true peace. And if you follow Sanders’ life, it just so happens that, often times, success just happens to follow.
I recently launched a new seminar called “Finding Your Purpose In the Midst of Chaos.” If I would have known these concepts a few decades ago, my life would have been dramatically more peaceful. If I can help you in any way, please contact me.
Dr. Travis Yates retired as a commander with a large municipal police department after 30 years of service. He is the author of “The Courageous Police Leader: A Survival Guide for Combating Cowards, Chaos & Lies.” His risk management and leadership seminars have been taught to thousands of professionals across the world. He is a graduate of the FBI National Academy with a Doctorate Degree in Strategic Leadership and the CEO of the Courageous Police Leadership Alliance.
This article has a powerful message. I expect to refer back to it frequently. Thank you Dr. Yates.